Chapter 2: Mermaid

There is always that one place that just clears your mind, rejuvenate and make everything clear as day. For me... its the beach. The smell of the salt water, the sound of the waves, the way the wind feels as it blows past your face in a rush. No matter the time of year this seems to be the only place in the world I feel the best. 

There were so many days where I wanted to go to the beach. Where the pressures of the world just seemed to much. I felt alone, sad and misplaced. 

Last year on a cold December morning, it became to much. The arguing, the constant feeling like a failure, like I was horrible mother. So I picked up with out any sort of communication and drove to the beach. 

I sat with a pen a notebook and began to write letters. There was so much I needed and wanted them to know.

  First my children. Starting with letting them know that they were the best gifts in life. I explained to my them that I was sorry, sorry for ruining our family, for not being the mother they needed. I explained that, they will have even better; the strongest women I know will raise them; Abuela. 

I stopped writing. Closed my eyes, and took the biggest breath that I could of the salty air; felt the wind rush past my face and listened to the sound of the water rushing. 

I continued to write, to my mommy (yes I still call her mommy). I promise you did everything right. My brother, live your dream and make me proud. Husband, I'm sorry.

With tears on the pages I pored  my heart out. 

Closed eyes, I breathe, I feel, I listen. 

I start to walk.

The closer to the water the saltier the air, the heavier the wind and the stronger the sound of the water. I wanted to feel the pressure of the water, it seemed to much better than dealing with the pressures of life. 

Its getting later and later. The sun set has stopped me in my tracks. I sat in the sand and feel the December ocean on my feet. 

To this day I'm not sure what stopped me. I look at those letters from time to time; it's to remind myself that I am becoming stronger and stronger. And that I have so much to live for. 

I am so in love with who I am now . Funny thing is I wouldn't change that day and moment in time for the world. It woke something up in my spirit that I cannot explain. 

We all have those moments in time where we need to be reminded of our purpose. Sometimes destiny as a funny way of bouncing us back when we don't realize we need bouncing back. 

Find that place, person or thing.

Find your beach! 

"Continue to Inspire while being Inspired"

-Zenia G. 

IG: Zenia_G.MUA

Suicide prevention hotline: 

National: 800-273-8255 

New York Tri-State: 

Text "WELL" to 65173

1-888-NYC-WELL